Trump and Biden to Face off in Highly Anticipated Boxing Match

After fighting on the campaign trail for years, Donald Trump and Joe Biden will be doing a different kind of fighting this Tuesday at 9 PM EST/ 8 PM Central. The two have recently announced the highly anticipated boxing event after realizing the American people don’t care much for true politics, but just want something entertaining to watch on T.V. between football games and commercials.

The fight will air on PBS for anyone over the age of 50 to watch. The fight will also be available on Twitch for the younger crowd to view, a site popular for almost not safe for work hot-tub streams and grown men still living in their mom’s basement playing video games for no one to watch.

All proceeds for the Trump vs. Biden match will go equally to both Trump and Biden 50/50. This will ensure that both rich, elderly, white men will be able to horde as much money as possible, just as both have done so far.

For those looking to see the event live, you may be disappointed to learn there will be no on-site live viewers allowed. The event planners say this is due to COVID, but speaking on the premise of anonymity, one of the staff states:

“The event was made on-air only because honestly, we’re afraid we won’t be able to keep everyone safe. I mean, not even schools are safe and those are just innocent kids. Those MAGA guys with all their fully semi-automatic high-capacity assault AR-15s are just too much to handle. Then there’s the far left who will believe anything anyone in a position of perceived authority says, except the police for some reason. With those two groups together, it’s a security nightmare. We’re just gonna say it’s because of COVID, like everything else. It’s our favorite scapegoat!”

Finally, something political worth watching. Be sure not to miss this once in a lifetime political showdown!