Tesla to Bring Back Horses and Abandon the Electric Cars Plan

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As we move forward in the world with tech-savvy advancements, the scope of energy-sustainable inventions might not be as futuristic as Elon Musk had planned.

Tesla, the world’s number one Electric Vehicle company, has been in the news since it came out in 2003. Whether it’s making out in the new cars, sexual harassment at the workplace, sleeping with a friend’s wife, or Holocaust trivializing, Elon Musk surely knows how to fluctuate his car sales and his heart rate for that matter. The most recent headline keeping Tesla in the news is the transformation from Tesla Inc to Tesla Horse Inc.

According to recent news, the EV business is not as booming as we might have been led to believe. After looting people’s money for almost two decades, Tesla’s CEO is now ready to abandon the manufacturing and selling of high-end cars, because in his words, “The EV business is very time consuming and is becoming high maintenance and the idea for reduced prices is not as profitable as it was before.”

With several competitors like BYD, Ford, GM, and Toyota, Tesla has come up with a new solution to end harmful fuel consumption once and for all. What better way to save the planet than to simply take advantage of animals. Although there are several animal-cruelty scandals featuring Elon Musk, anything to reduce dependency on foreign oil and the emissions of burning said oil is considered a win by environmentalists.

The recent reduction in Tesla Model 3 and Model Y prices has put the CEO’s expenses at risk. Lowering them further can make him lose his supermodel girlfriends and his chances for staying in the news for all the right reasons, like assaulting employees and overpromising ending pollution for philanthropic reasons only. The new innovative move Tesla has decided to make to save the face and pocket of Elon Musk is to bring back Horses and Horse Carts for traveling purposes. No more fuel consumption or paying people for their hard work. It’s a win-win situation for the stakeholders and Elon Musk. Even the workers tasked with mining lithium can rejoice as they are being transitioned to care for the horses rather than removing rare Earth minerals, which had no measurable negative impact on the environment.

Our sources confirm that Elon Musk is determined to keep up the workplace ethics just as they were in the previous technology-oriented Tesla. The employees will face the same discrimination, and harsh policies. The prices will also stay the same. Different breeds of horses will be given different titles to make up a four-breed series called “A-R-S-E”. Moreover, in a private board meeting with exactly one female board member, Elon Musk revealed that he intends to take racial discrimination a notch up and even add in animal discrimination. This is just one act to keep up the legacy of Tesla and America’s white rich people’s culture.

With no manufacturing cost, Tesla Horse Inc, will poach poor, or “economically deficient” as they put it, horse owners around the world and pay them ¾ of the actual worth of their animals. With animals used for transportation, it will be a huge win for keeping the new Twitter owner’s net worth secure and increasing as well as saving the planet for everyone. Finally, Elon Musk can achieve his dream and alone go and live on Mars.

Disclaimer: This article is for entertainment purposes only and none of the claims directed at anyone or any entity in this article are meant to be taken as truth nor are they true. We’re mostly putting a disclaimer on this one because some people may mistake satire for libel, and we wouldn’t want anyone to think for themselves. Now, go read the rest of our posts!

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