Man Lost in Amazon Rainforest After Confusing The Amazon for Amazon.com
A United States citizen has been reported missing after booking a trip to Brazil. It’s believed the missing man, Gavin Portgeli, had confused the actual Amazon Rainforest for the popular shopping site Amazon.com. At the time of reporting, a search mission has been mounted by the local authorities to try and find the lost traveler.
“He kept saying he was going to finally go to Amazon like everyone else, but I really thought he had just meant the website, so I thought nothing of it.” Said the man’s neighbor. ” I really can’t believe someone in this day and age was allowed to just buy a ticket to another country without the authorities making sure it was safe to do so! Thats what the government is there for after all!”
Gavin’s family has also chimed in, with his brother publicly stating “I just don’t understand how someone can just get lost in the woods, like you can’t just ping his cellphone’s GPS to find him? We should really do something about upping the police presence there if it’s such a dangerous place. Or maybe they could just cut down the trees, so people stop getting lost there, it’s insane someone hasn’t done something!”
The family are not the only ones impacted, as Amazon’s stock price plummeted after the story made national news. One investor had this say: “I had no Idea a company like Amazon would associate itself with such a dangerous and immoral real-world place. I can’t let other people know I do business with a company that has named itself after such a deadly place. I Think I’ll put my money into Apple, there’s nothing wrong or bad about a harmless apple. Not in any religion or book, besides everyone knows investing has nothing to do with how the actual company itself is doing, just whatever people think the company is doing.”
Amazon, the company, not the rainforest, also announced that there will be a memorial restroom break for its employees in response. “It was the absolute least we could do for such a tragedy” Stated the CEO. Employees hope the trend of “memorial” restroom breaks will continue, so that they will finally be able to actually use the facilities.