Dollar General Demoted to Colonel after Public Out Cry

Dollar General has recently been in the news once again after being demoted from General down to Colonel (Kern-el). The demotion occurred due to public outcry about how the chain store moves into under-funded or rural areas then sells split up bulk items at a markup. Dollar Colonel has also been accused of charging more for items than what is listed on store shelves then not honoring the price marked on shelf.

Dollar Colonel is also now involved in a civil suit thanks to their demotion. KFC has filed a suit because of its mascot ” The Colonel”, believing that many Americans who can hardly point out Qatar on a map, will believe the two are related. “New Jersians are not even trusted to pump their own gas, they are just not going to understand we are not associated with newly demoted Dollar Colonel. We are going to fight for fingerlickin chicken lovers everywhere.”

Elon Musk has already suspended the Dollar General Twitter account due to its new policy about not imitating brands because of the confusion of the demotion. “I didn’t even know that Dollar Gen-er uh, Colonel had a twitter, but I don’t care, I’m just trying to buy groceries, not slide into the DM’s” one shopper noted. “I hope they can prove themselves and move back up to General one day, but for now, I’ll just head to Walmart I guess.”

Dollar Colonel has not yet made a public statement on the matter.